Giving Thanks at Work

In the U.S., we have an entire holiday dedicated to gratefulness called Thanksgiving. It is ironic that the current winds of the cancel culture movement are taking aim at Thanksgiving. I say it is ironic because the behaviors of the cancel culture movement are the antithesis of thanksgiving. Dictionaries define gratefulness as being appreciative of benefits received, expressing gratitude; affording pleasure or contentment, pleasing by reason of comfort supplied or discomfort alleviated. One synonym for gratitude is appreciation—a feeling or expression of admiration, evaluation, recognition of value, increase in value. Using these definitions, I would paraphrase thanksgiving as acknowledging the value or benefits of something or someone. This makes gratefulness a biased accounting that emphasizes the good in something and deemphasizes the bad. The current cancel culture, on the other hand, emphasizes the bad and deemphasizes, or even ignores, the good—the opposite of gratefulness. 

While it is important to critique our historical figures, we will never find perfect role models or heroes. There are no perfect parents, pastors, presidents, CEOs, supervisors, friends, spouses, or [insert anyone important in your life]. Being ungrateful (focusing on errors and flaws) towards these people will disqualify them from having any benefit in our lives, eventually leaving us with no role models, heroes, or relationships. 

Research shows that our mindset towards others tends to create the behaviors we are expecting, even affecting the mindset others have about themselves. Knowing this, an ungrateful attitude towards others (being mindful of faults and detractors) not only presents a negatively biased perspective of the other person but ends up causing the expected undesired behaviors. 

I was in a meeting one time helping two colleagues through a conflict. One colleague started the meeting aggressively attacking the other’s perspective and attitude. Not surprisingly, the other person responded defensively, and we were soon amid an embarrassing shouting match. Ironically, the louder we speak in these situations, the less we are heard! I asked the first colleague later why he started with such aggression. He replied that he knew the other person would be attacking him and needed to protect himself, using the other person’s defensive response as confirmation that he was right. However, it was easy to see from my perspective that his aggressive start to the meeting actually caused the defensive response. It was harder to see that I was doing exactly the same thing in a meeting later that week. 

Understanding the causality between our mindset towards others and their behaviors, it follows that an ungrateful mindset at work will foster undesired behavior and low performance. However, a grateful mindset that emphasizes the valuable and beneficial things in others will foster the very things we are grateful for. 

In this way, gratefulness becomes less about the past good and more about potential good. Rather than being a record of the past, gratefulness becomes a powerful force creating the future. A thermometer has no power compared with a thermostat. 

Simple unawareness will keep us from seeing the value around us. This is also known as taking things for granted. Take time to be intentional about seeing both past good and potential good. A great exercise is to imagine your life without [fill in the blank]. Imagine your life without a person. Imagine your life without plumbing. Imagine your life without social media—okay maybe we would be better off without that one! 

Pride and greed will misattribute good things to self instead of others. Be generous with attributing credit to others—it actually deposits more in perception-accounts others have towards you. 

Fear and distrust will hold back praise from others, thinking that giving credit to others will make you vulnerable and weaken your position. Expressing gratitude encourages others and strengthens relationships. 

Entitlement will separate you from the real price of things, which means you can't see real value--the epitome of ungratefulness. This can breed jealousy, or wanting what someone else has without paying the price they did. We all receive gifts and things we don't deserve (like freedom), but if you feel entitled to those gifts you will tend to use or hoard the gift instead of steward the gift. For example, I received the same number of muscles at birth as most humans, but I've stewarded those muscles differently than some. I have no right to be jealous of someone else's muscles, because I know they simply stewarded them better than I have. In other words, gratefulness will tend towards stewardship that bears fruit, while entitlement will tend towards waste. Take account of assets (time, money, people, physical, mental, etc.) and identify ways to invest rather than spend them. 

Canceling others through ungratefulness robs us of the most valuable things in our lives. Increase your gratefulness at work and at home. Watch it strengthen relationships, increase motivation and performance in others, and replace your own frustration and anxiety with joy and peace. Start by journaling or simply making a list of people you interact with and identifying good things about them. Especially include people on the list you have the most strained relationships with. Cultivate thanksgiving as a virtue.